I never knew growing up could be so hard.
Let me clarify...
I never knew that losing people/loved ones could be as hard as it is. Growing up those people just don't exist anymore. But by now I am attached... Losing anyone is so painful.
I have NOT lost anyone yet... not recently.... But even news of an older person having additional health problems has set me "off". I have had so much loss in my life in the past 6-7 years (in one way, shape, or form) that my heart can't hardly handle anymore. It started with my Dad, then my Grandpa, my Uncle, My Grandmother in law, my Grandfather in law, and a close elder friend of mine from church. The list goes on and on, whether it be a human loss, animal loss, or a job, car,sanity (lol)...
The news of anyone being unwell even if it isn't life threatening yet is so hard for me to handle.I lean on all of you for reading this because I feel like since my family moved to New Mexico, from Idaho that I have never had quite the same family here. That includes blood family as well as friendship family.
I used to be able to go to my parents and hug them and cry.... I don't feel like I have that anymore. To an extent they are strangers to me. I have never really had this relationship with anyone here in New Mexico... People come close... but not even my own husband is a person I feel like will just hold me while I sob...
Life is so crazy... and while I love all of my friends dearly... I feel lost right now.
My Aussies are what keep me sane at the moment. They are nonjudgmental, they love me unconditionally...They know when I need a good kiss or some love whether I am crying or not... Yet tonight I find myself crying alone... My Aussies don't even know how to handle the pain in my heart.
Yes I am taking my meds... lol
But the loss of my Grandpa 5 years ago.... Has forever broken my heart....I will never recover from the loss of him. I may not call my grandparents unless I am headed their way... but they mean more to me than silver or gold.
I didn't know that I could love someone so much until I lost him.
In This So Called Life I have learned that even though people may come and go... The affect that they had on our lives never goes away. Please don't anyone or animal go anywhere...unless you take me with you.
