I never knew growing up could be so hard.
Let me clarify...
I never knew that losing people/loved ones could be as hard as it is. Growing up those people just don't exist anymore. But by now I am attached... Losing anyone is so painful.
I have NOT lost anyone yet... not recently.... But even news of an older person having additional health problems has set me "off". I have had so much loss in my life in the past 6-7 years (in one way, shape, or form) that my heart can't hardly handle anymore. It started with my Dad, then my Grandpa, my Uncle, My Grandmother in law, my Grandfather in law, and a close elder friend of mine from church. The list goes on and on, whether it be a human loss, animal loss, or a job, car,sanity (lol)...
The news of anyone being unwell even if it isn't life threatening yet is so hard for me to handle.I lean on all of you for reading this because I feel like since my family moved to New Mexico, from Idaho that I have never had quite the same family here. That includes blood family as well as friendship family.
I used to be able to go to my parents and hug them and cry.... I don't feel like I have that anymore. To an extent they are strangers to me. I have never really had this relationship with anyone here in New Mexico... People come close... but not even my own husband is a person I feel like will just hold me while I sob...
Life is so crazy... and while I love all of my friends dearly... I feel lost right now.
My Aussies are what keep me sane at the moment. They are nonjudgmental, they love me unconditionally...They know when I need a good kiss or some love whether I am crying or not... Yet tonight I find myself crying alone... My Aussies don't even know how to handle the pain in my heart.
Yes I am taking my meds... lol
But the loss of my Grandpa 5 years ago.... Has forever broken my heart....I will never recover from the loss of him. I may not call my grandparents unless I am headed their way... but they mean more to me than silver or gold.
I didn't know that I could love someone so much until I lost him.
In This So Called Life I have learned that even though people may come and go... The affect that they had on our lives never goes away. Please don't anyone or animal go anywhere...unless you take me with you.
Friday, August 17, 2012
Sunday, August 12, 2012
This Just In!!
So for any of you family members and friends out there who have heard rumors of me going back to work... I am here to tell you that those rumors are indeed true!! The best part is I don't have to worry about finding childcare either!
Beginning August 21st I will be working part time helping assist the after school program at Mesa View Christian Preschool. This means Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday afternoons from 1-5pm I won't be available. But the kids and I will be having a blast at school together! I have one other job opportunity that could possibly happen as well but right now I'm not going to share it with you.
With this said, after my last post you are all probably wondering what is going to happen or is happening with dog training. I am now eligible through the Animal Behavior College to get funding since I now have a job. which means that hopefully I will get registered for this fall before the end of August! On the training note though I am proud to announce that Fox can now sit, and heal, she is also working on off, down, and shake. We are having a blast with our pack of dogs and our great kids and couldn't ask for anything more than we have in our lives now.
My husband is also looking at accepting a promotion at work, I will let him share that with you though as I still don't know all of the details exactly. However I couldn't be more proud of him!! He is such an amazing man, I don't know who I would be or what I would do without him supporting me and loving me.
In This So Called Life I am finally finding a way out of my rut and on my way down the path I feel like God is leading me on.
Beginning August 21st I will be working part time helping assist the after school program at Mesa View Christian Preschool. This means Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday afternoons from 1-5pm I won't be available. But the kids and I will be having a blast at school together! I have one other job opportunity that could possibly happen as well but right now I'm not going to share it with you.
With this said, after my last post you are all probably wondering what is going to happen or is happening with dog training. I am now eligible through the Animal Behavior College to get funding since I now have a job. which means that hopefully I will get registered for this fall before the end of August! On the training note though I am proud to announce that Fox can now sit, and heal, she is also working on off, down, and shake. We are having a blast with our pack of dogs and our great kids and couldn't ask for anything more than we have in our lives now.
My husband is also looking at accepting a promotion at work, I will let him share that with you though as I still don't know all of the details exactly. However I couldn't be more proud of him!! He is such an amazing man, I don't know who I would be or what I would do without him supporting me and loving me.
In This So Called Life I am finally finding a way out of my rut and on my way down the path I feel like God is leading me on.
Monday, August 6, 2012
In the "Red"
Anyone ever wonder what it would be like to live your life the way you want to?
Well truth me told... Unless you have no debt and/or an amazing job to keep up with the debt, it is spent living in the "red".
I love my life as it is now, minus the stress sores on my lip and the weekly calls about debt. But after much deliberation my amazing husband and I had decided to let an awful company called Santander take our mini van. At 16.9% interest rate and $450 a month it was just no longer worth it. Thanks to my amazing in laws we were blessed with my husband's grandfather's car.
I am still pursuing dog training but have hit a slight bump. However I will move forward and prevail and make this dream come true. The look on Fox's face everyday helps me to see how important it is to me to help train people to realize how amazing their dogs can be with a little consistency in their lives. I have one more phone call to make tomorrow and hopefully I will have the answer I am looking for!
On that note, I am suddenly feeling a great deal of guilt in the stress for the mad dash for cash in our household because my unemployment ends after next weeks payment. I pray that God will bless us with the ability to let me maintain my stay at home mom status and continue to support our family in the way that best suites all of us. The ability to be less stressed because the house is clean the dogs have been out and the kids have been taken care of to our standards all day means more to us than anything. I hope to add weight loss and fitness to that for my husband and I too.
For now I will continue to keep on truckin on and pray that everything will work out, and that I won't have to resort to taking a job that holds no meaning and loads of unhappiness in the mean time.
In This So Called Life what means the most can be what takes the most. I pray that you too will find the road to happiness and that it doesn't mean losing everything to get there.
Well truth me told... Unless you have no debt and/or an amazing job to keep up with the debt, it is spent living in the "red".
I love my life as it is now, minus the stress sores on my lip and the weekly calls about debt. But after much deliberation my amazing husband and I had decided to let an awful company called Santander take our mini van. At 16.9% interest rate and $450 a month it was just no longer worth it. Thanks to my amazing in laws we were blessed with my husband's grandfather's car.
I am still pursuing dog training but have hit a slight bump. However I will move forward and prevail and make this dream come true. The look on Fox's face everyday helps me to see how important it is to me to help train people to realize how amazing their dogs can be with a little consistency in their lives. I have one more phone call to make tomorrow and hopefully I will have the answer I am looking for!
On that note, I am suddenly feeling a great deal of guilt in the stress for the mad dash for cash in our household because my unemployment ends after next weeks payment. I pray that God will bless us with the ability to let me maintain my stay at home mom status and continue to support our family in the way that best suites all of us. The ability to be less stressed because the house is clean the dogs have been out and the kids have been taken care of to our standards all day means more to us than anything. I hope to add weight loss and fitness to that for my husband and I too.
For now I will continue to keep on truckin on and pray that everything will work out, and that I won't have to resort to taking a job that holds no meaning and loads of unhappiness in the mean time.
In This So Called Life what means the most can be what takes the most. I pray that you too will find the road to happiness and that it doesn't mean losing everything to get there.
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